I felt sad at first, of course, but I really think it was for the best. For him, and for evolution in general.
On the way home from work, I stopped at the gas station to put some air in my tires. I took the caps off all the tires, and dropped my quarter in. After racing around the car like a pit crewmember, trying to hit all four tires with their share of air before the timer ran out, I was off - a quarter inch higher, and revelling in the revived ability of my sweet seven-year old Honda Civic to once again be able turn on a dime.
I was at a red light about 1/2 mile from the gas station, and noticed a seagull just sitting in the middle of the road. I was in the right lane, and there was a car next to me in the left lane. The entire time we were waiting for the light to change, he never moved from his spot on the street. He looked around from time to time, but never moved. I wondered if his legs even worked. Or if he had legs at all…
The light turned green, and I slowly pulled away from the intersection. As I passed the poor soul just sitting in the road, he flapped his wings and made a beeline right for my car! I was like, “WTF?!” and then I heard and felt it. That sickening “thundk” that you sort of feel more than you hear. I looked back, saw him flap one wing, and then then the guy two cars behind me finished off what I had started.
What if I hadn’t stopped for air? Would I still have hit that bird? It made me think about life, death, fate, and stuff for all of about two minutes, and then I thought:
“That friggin bird was STUPID! A) it was sitting in the middle of the road. It’s brothers and sisters were smart enough to fly out of the way when cars approached. B) Why the HELL did it decide to fly INTO my car as I was leaving?! C) I just improved the genetic makeup of seagulls in general by removing that dumbass bird from the gene pool!”
Now DON’T getting all crazy analytical about that last statement, and think I’m Hitler, Jr. or something. I’m just saying that I’ve decreased the chances of stupid seagulls in Charleston, SC. That’s all.
Godspeed, little seagull. I hope the cars all have marshmallow tires wherever you are…