The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

If I had money to invest in this guy’s plan, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

God Bless smartasses. God Bless America.

Bless the hearts of the clerks at Best Buy for this one…

I think his mom was looking at the sale rack at Dress Barn next door when he did this.

And I think his moustache is the man.

Melina (read her if you don’t already) reminded of a good point today. It’s been awhile since my last photo challenge…And while I don’t have the time or the patience for a REAL photo challenge right now, I did think that since Kickball has kicked off, and things are reaching some semblance of normalcy now, that I would hold another PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST!!!!

This time, however, there’s a little change. Instead of one photo, there are three. I will give away a Play Kickball sticker to the creator of the funniest caption for each picture. I know I know… a lousy kickball sticker…but time’s are tough, so just relish in your victory and your sticker for now, ok? And if you sit back in your seat and behave, I may be able to dig something else up to send you, so there.

The deadline for entries is 6/29 at 5:30PM! Be there or be a big, fat idiot!

So, here they are in no particular order:

Good luck!

YOUR WEEKLY NOOGIE FROM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD GHOST MAN:

Before I shoot myself up with Thorazine, eat a bag of Pop Rocks, and wash ‘em down with a Coke, I figured I’d tell you what you’re gonna see in this week’s GMOT. You’re gon see:

· WAKA News – All the news that I can type before the drugs wear off).
· Team Write-ups from last week’s games – For those of you submitted write-ups the past couple of weeks – thanks. For those that didn’t, may ingrown hairs infect your backside to the point that it looks like a map of Micronesia (look it up).
· Ghost Man’s Choice – I don’t know what’s gonna be here from week to week, but it will be funny. To me.
· Team Standings – Your team’s rank in the league, you competitive little booger.
· This Week’s Schedule – If you need someone to explain what this means, loosen the strap on your helmet, and ask your mom for another juice box while she reads this to you.

That’s all, folks.

As always, if you have questions, from “What time is my game?” to “When’s the mid﷓season party? (more info on THAT soon, by the way…)” to “You smell terrific. What’s that your wearing?” feel free to email me.

For those of you newbies that don’t know – Every time a guy bunts, God kills a kitten. Don’t be a kitten killer.

…AND NOW…ON WITH THE SHOW!

WAKA NEWS

Ah, Week Two. And I like what I’m seeing, people. The games on and off the fields are running pretty smoothly. Keep your eyes on the game, refs. And Captains – Remember – ONLY YOU can argue calls with refs. They’re fellow ballers, too, so everyone play nice. Don’t make me flick the lights on and off and tell you to put your heads on desks.

1. THIS IS YOUR GHOST MAN. THIS IS MY GHOST MAN.
Don’t forget to send in WRITE-UPS AND SCORES to the Ghost Man. You can also send pics, video, underwear, and leftover pizza crusts if you’d like. Send it all to kickballsuperstar@mail.com by noon on Sundays to be in the GMOT.

2. CAREFUL WITH THOSE BOTTLES AND CANS. I saw a few more bottles and cans last week. Do with them just what you do with that dirty little secret of yours ﷓ Keep ‘em covered up.

3. THE MID-SEASON PARTY. I don’t know what’s going on with this. I just like knowing it’s only a few weeks away. I’ll blast the word out as soon as I hear something.

4. SUE NEEDS A ROOMMATE. She’s looking for a roommate to share a 2 bedroom townhouse on James Island. Close to downtown. Rent is $400/month plus 1/2 utilities. Call 532-2744 or email scasey014@yahoo.com for more details. GMOT note: Sue is buying me a beer for this. Do you have announcements you’d like to make? Do you have beer? Let’s talk.

WEEK 2 TEAM WRITE-UPS!
Rex Kwan Do 6 vs. Red Rubbers 2

Rex Kwan Do Says:
Team Rex Kwan Do defeated The Red Rubbers this week 6-2 in a rousing battle of wills. Special mention to C-Love and the Special Sauce team of Hoyle, Kelly, and Nick.

The Red Rubbers Say:
The Red Rubbers played an excellent game this week. Unfortunatly the score does not reflect our efforts. Brian tried as hard as I have ever seen a rookie play in the outfield. The combo of Jay and Jen at Second and Short was awesome. And Cati’s clutch grab in the field helped keep us in the game. We just could not score on the patented “Rex Quan-Do” defense. I pity our opponents next week because we are hungry for a win. By the way we may have lost on the field, but we DOMINATED them in Flip Cup. Which win counts more???

The Ghost Man Says: While the “L” sucks for your record, the Red Rubbers have a good point about Flip Cup. So: Rubbers – Stop sucking on the field, and RKD – Stop sucking at the bar.

Yager Bombers 4 vs. Off in Woods 2

The Yager Bombers Say:
The Bombers dodged a bullet Thursday night, escaping with a 4-2 victory in a pitchers duel against In the Woods. The Bombers were down and had to resort to Kickball’s weakest play, bunting. Although the Bombers know they are better than that, winning is everything, and bunting was the way to win. A Clemens-like pitcher for In the Woods had stumped the Bombers early, but bunting and good base running led way for continuing dominance of the league.

Although every Bomber was an MVP for the heart shown to overcome what looked like defeat, Brennen King is this week’s main attraction. For his brick wall play at first base, BK was definitely solid this week, and will be feared by opponents for the rest of his kickball career…Just ask the In the Woods player that caused the David vs. Goliath collision. Congrats to Amanda Winn, who performed well in her first game as a Bomber.

Quote of the Game – “I didn’t realize he hit me until I turned around and saw him lying on the ground”—BK

The Ghost Man Says: Bunting?!?! What did I just tell you about that? Motion to change the Yager Bombers name to Yager Bunters is now on the floor. Any seconds? Maybe that’ll learn ‘em to not man-bunt.

The Blumps 4 vs. Charitable Ballers 4

The Charitable Ballers Say:
It was an extremely intense game with some awesome plays! Charitable Baller’s MVPs from last nights game include Christoph Werner for his incredible back roll “sacrifice your body for the team” catch, Valerie Baker’s rebound catch off the 2nd base fielder for the out, and Glen Gardner’s 2 pegs on the bunters in the bottom of the fifth! You guys rock! We had the tiebreaker flip cup tournament where our true skills were displayed and sorry, Blumps, it was a clear victory at Dengates! Good work team on and off the field! I think we are officially ready to take it up a few notches next week! Copper Penny - BRING IT ON!

The Ghost Man Says: Yes, Ballers. Way to psyche yourselves up for…Copper Penny. Maybe next week you can get inside the minds of another scary team and “Skatell” them that you’re gonna kick their asses, too! Oh, wait! Here comes Berlin’s and they look pissed! Ooo! Ooo! How ‘bout “we’re coming after you, Finicky Filly!”

I mean, good job! I will rue the day I made those comments, I’m sure…

3 Dollar Bills 17 vs. Good Times 4

The Three Dollar Bills Say:
The $3’s had some “pink” pride to make up after getting beat last year by Good Times. It was a hot and humid evening to be playing the great American sport, Kickball, but a nice breeze was in the air.

Both teams came prepared, but it was The Three Dollar Bills in their signature color PINK that was hot tonight. The $3’s took an early 4 -0 lead in the first inning, but Good Times, in sapphire jerseys, were not giving up at all. They came back to cut “The Pink” lead to just 2. The second inning saw a fly ball to left field by new comer to the $3’s, Tony, who rounded 3 runs in! Tony was recruited from the CoCo Bombers this year and has a “hollaback girl attitude” that really lifts the team spirits. Tony’s ball buster to left field dragged “The Pink” to new heights with an 8-2 lead. It was all Pink after this. The Pink sideline fans were going crazy. They came to see Pink win and pink was on a roll. “The Pink” packed in a capacity crowd last night and concessions were at an all time high. The cheerleaders were in the game keeping “The Pink” spirit high! Even the passer by’s were stopping to see the excitement and join in rooting on “The Pink.” The 4th inning saw Rob bang a ball to left field bringing in three runs to add to the growing Pink lead. “The Pink” brought an offense tonight that never has been seen before. As always, their defense was stellar. Diving catches by pitcher Holly, not to mention her gunning down a runner half way to first. All this after surgery less than a week ago! JC with a twist and double flip to catch a fly ball at third base! The new rookie “Little Bit” bootin’ a ball across center field yielding 2 runs. Where did this little recruit come from? He even had a third out catch when the bases were loaded.

Although the $3’s kept the lead and stretched it to a final 17-4 victory, Good Times never gave up. After the game high fives were exchanged and a fun time was had by all. The coach of the $3’s Phil Rhiner said, “there has never been a game night we did not come out ready to have fun, but tonight we came out to have fun and win!” The coach for Good Times said, “we have been looking forward to playing the $3’s, they are a fun team to play and played well tonight, they deserved the win.”
The Three Dollar Bills will face off next Wednesday with the dreaded Ball Busters. Already officials are saying it will be a sell out crowd and a great match up.

The Ghost Man Says: Nothing. I’m utterly exhausted after reading that write-up! And did y’all see that score??! 17 – 4?!?! I know when MY team plays the 3DBs, I’m bringing a gang of teenage Japanese girls to distract Tony’s “’Hollaback Girl’ attitude.”

Ball Busters 4 vs. Coconut Bangers 4
The Ball Busters Say:
Once again we tie for another game, however the ballbusters were a little thin in the skin, but we managed to pull it off again without being dominated. We had some great plays beginning with the total knockout at first. It was pretty funny since they were both girls and they just happened to land on top of each other. A word of advice to the coconut banger on first, you might not want to stand directly on the base during play time. Well in the 3rd inning the bangers had us, pulling in a whooping 3 runs. We were scared. I mean we only had 2 innings left to win or at least tie it up. The sweat was pouring but we weren’t giving up. Our pitcher managed to pitch strikes like 1,2,3. Skillz man!!!! Well we botched the fourth inning no runs scored, but we managed to have two injured players in the same inning. One ankle and one leg. Here we are agonizing over 3 more runs and they were up to kick again. Well the busters came together and held them off with no runs. Now the fifth inning had to be the best EVER!!! We got two base hits and then two runs. One player had to run twice and then we got two outs. Last kicker up or so we thought and we are down by one with two outs. I think someone even threw out “easy out”. HA! Kicker nails it to third, bonger oh I mean banger, tries to launch it at the body, but oh wait a serious dodge and an A for extreme kickball effort. Kicker gets on base the ball is god knows where and another run home tying it up and saving face for the busters. Last kicker and a pop up and a nice catch, but all in all a great game played by all mates and I’d have to say there is some serious talent on our team and not just athletic talent! Way to go Ballbusters and I’ll see you guys next week when we play the 3 dollar bills.

The Ghost Man Says: A word of advice to the coconut banger on first – thank you for making two girls land on top of each other.

Sleeping w/Socks On 4 vs. Stinky Pinky 2

SWSO Says:
Sleeping with Your Socks on came out with its first victory in only the 2nd week of the season! Perhaps it is the new team name, or great new players on board! This team is used to losing on the field and winning at the flip cup tables, so this was quite a change for us! Adam was stellar at pitcher. Great plays were also made by Baseball player Rob, John, Jason and Jeff! Although Jeff almost lost his pants while making that catch at third! Greg made the catch to end the game! But, the ladies, yes the ladies, are going to be highlighted this week! Heather, who calls herself “the easy out” was on third when another fellow teammate got the third out to send us back the field…you go girl! Leah was like also seen circling the bases! Both Katie and Denise showed off their skills with great catches in the field! MVP male goes to Adam this week. MVP female goes to Denise for being the newest kickballer with the most skillz….

The Ghost Man Says: The award for happiest write up with the most exclamation points goes to SWSO!

NKOTB 6 vs. The Sure Thing 2

NKOTB Says:
We won. The Ghost Man is so cute. I like how that guy Jay on our team smokes cigs while he plays. Our girls kick all the other girls asses. The punch we brought to the game could peel paint off your car. We won. Meryl’s team lost. I can’t wait till we play…Copper Penny!

The Ghost Man Says: That team sounds awesome. I hope they write something every week.

Oh – and Average Joes and Copper Penny - We need scores! And not the kind you score on under the Cooper River Bridge from “Spoony” who always seems to have the hook up. When you send your write-ups to the GMOT, don’t forget to include your score. And, I can’t believe I’m saying this, if you don’t send in a write-up, at least email us the score of your game. We need that info for the website, the GMOT, and for the WAKA bigwigs in Washington – who are starting to recognize that we are a hotbed of tomfoolery, hijinks, chicanery, and other synonyms for fun!

THE GHOST MAN’S CHOICE

You’re reading this at work. Admit it. Well, I’m writing this at work right now, and I don’t have time to bring the funny, so…go here.

STANDINGS

Spring 2005 Standings
Team W L T
NKOTB 1 1 0
Off in Woods 1 1 0
Red Rubbers 1 1 0
Rex Kwan Do 1 1 0
The Sure Thing 1 1 0
Coconut Bangers 1 0 0
Average Joes 1 0 0
Yager Bombers 1 0 0
Sleeping w/Socks 0 1 0
Charitable Ballers 0 1 0
3 Dollar Bills 0 1 0
Good Times 0 0 0
Ball Busters 0 0 0
Stinky Pinky 0 0 0
The Blumps 0 0 0
Copper Penny 0 0 0

I know this isn’t absolutely correct. That’s why you little so-and-so’s that don’t submit your scores need to do just that! Here’s what I got so far – if it’s wrong, just email me and let me know what’s up, so that I can get it right on the next GMOT, and the website.

SCHEDULES

WEEK 3:
WEDNESDAY JUNE 22
Field A 6:30 3 Dollar Bills & Ball Busters
Field A 7:15 Good Times & Coconut Bangers

Field B 6:30 Average Joes & The Blumps
Field B 7:15 Charitable Ballers & Copper Penny

THURSDAY JUNE 23
Field A 6:30 NKOTB & Sleeping W/ Socks On
Field A 7:15 Red Rubbers & Off in the Woods

Field B 6:30 Stinky Pinky & The Sure Thing
Field B 7:15 Rex Kwan Do & Yager Bombers

You look nice in that shirt.
-The Ghost Man on Third

I know everyone is busy, and I get so tired of telling people that it makes me wanna puke. But folks - I am busy. I won’t bore you with the specifics. Just breathe with me for a minute…

It’s not all bad in the Superstar Camp, though. Here are some randoms that happened since last I posted (in no particular order):

1) I saw a movie. Batman Begins at the IMAX. It was great - except for the guy next to me who farted. Twice. I clapped when the movie was over, because it was good, and because I got to bid Stinky McFartsAlot adieu.

2) I got sick. My throat felt a little weird Saturday, but I soldiered through. Sunday I felt like crap, and I left work early yesterday. I made it through today, but my nose bled three times at work, so I’m sure that 1/2 the office is now convinced I’m a coke fiend…

3) I saw an old friend. James showed up in town for a one-night-only appearance in Chucktown! I was glad to see him, and hope he makes his second 1,000 mile hike faster than the first. Godspeed, little doodle.

4) I heard from an old friend. Got a phone call from a college buddy I hadn’t heard from in 10 years! Might be making a trip up to NYC in the next few months for a reunion…Hey George - wonder what would’ve happened if you stayed in TEP?

5) I played kickball. Go figure. But in an interesting turn of events, my team won! Kicked a RKI (that’s Run Kicked In for you newbies), and caught two fly balls. I also missed one that came right at me, but we won’t talk about that one. Oh! I kinda threw the pitcher off, too, when I let her first pitch cross right over the plate so that I could light my cigarette…ah, kickball, where would I be without ye?

6) I sang karaoke. After kickballing and flip-cupping, we went bar-hopping, and landed in a karaoke melee. I won two CD’s and two Bud Lights for my efforts. But who cares about the prizes, man? It’s all about the ‘roke! ohmygod. I mean, “It was fun.”

7) I got a haircut. Totally needed one. I looked like I was sportin’ a dirty mop on my head. whoa. It pushed my hat off it was getting so big!

I’m only a few steps away from being a homeowner, too. But I don’t want to jinx that so I’m not going to talk about it until the day I get the keys handed to me.

I just re-read this post and its ever so boring. I’m not funny when I’m sick.

I go home now for sleep. Bring funny later.

I think y’all are very nice.

Sunshine and Lollipops,
-KS

Hoooooooooly Crap, y’all! What a reedonkulous—er, scratch that—ridiculous couple of weeks it’s been since last we spoke!

I’ve got a contract on a house! I’m going back and forth with the sellers cuz it needs a new roof, but I think everything’s gonna work out just fine…

We’re down to three in our department, and have oh, about 28 clients between us. So I’ve been checking out of here at 5:30 every day just to hang on to the last shreds of sanity that i have…

Kickball has started!!!! And since I should probably finish up some work before I head outta here today, I thought I’d post this season’s first edition of the Ghost Man on Third that I wrote (our weekly newsletter) for your reading pleasure…

Closing on the house is tentatively set for the end of the month, so I should return to some semblance of normalcy soon thereafter. But I will keep y’all apprised of any breaking news - this i swear.

smell you later,
-KS

A Message From Your Friendly Neighborhood Ghost Man:

Greetings, Kickers of the Sacred Red Rubber Ball – Welcome to 2005’s first edition of the Ghost Man on Third – your news source for all things kickball! Boy, is you in for a treat! Not necessarily from this edition of the GMOT (that’s what the cool kids call it. I heard ‘em say it when they were smoking cigarettes in front of the Li’l Cricket), but from the bizuttload of fun you folks are gonna have over the next two-ish months! I will be your tour guide during this journey of Odyssean proportions – from the search for board members, to “I can’t find the field – or my pants,” to the mid-season and end-of-season parties that make Carnivale in Rio look like that time you had to read to the elderly at Canterbury House to meet your community service sentence. Think of me as your Julie from the Love Boat, except instead of a boat, it’s Moultrie Playground. And instead of the ocean, it’s Colonial Lake. Which I am intimately familiar with (ask a kickball vet to tell you).

Sorry I missed y’all last week, but WAKA was experiencing technical difficulties, I missed the first game, and my dog ate my homework. So between now and tomorrow’s actvities, I thought I’d drop some knowledge on you playas.

1.Read your rules, refs. – I don’t know what you may have heard, but let me spell this out for all of you right now. This is a drinking club with a kickball problem. Go back. Read that last line again. While this is a “sport,” it’s my goal to make this season the most fun you’ve had on a playground since that time you scored the winning goal in 4th grade and haven’t shut up about it since. I will also do my best to put more matches together than E-Harmony here (Except for me. Sorry ladies and gents – your super dreamy Ghost Man is off the market).

Neither one of those thing are gonna happen if fights and arguments break out over whether that was a foul, and how many bases that guy should’ve gotten, or if a pitch was a ball or a strike. The better armed you are with a full grasp of the rules, the smoother games will go, and the happier everyone will be knowing an educated baller is running their game! Remember, love conquers all. And by love, I mean love and a ref who knows his/her a$$ from a hole in the ground…You can always find a copy of the latest kickball rules at www.worldkickball.com.

2. This GMOT’s Your GMOT. While I may be able to entertain you with the occasional quip, sarcastic remark, or blow-by-blow description of Ryan’s table dancing efforts at Dengates, this newsletter’s only gonna be as good as you want it to be. In other words, send in brief write ups ( 150 – 200 words or so) of your game to let us all know how it went. Smack talk your next week’s opponent. Send shout outs to the players that rocked the playground that week. You get the picture. Then send that stuff to me at kickballsuperstar@mail.com. You’ll be glad you did.

3. Bottles and Cans – Just Clap Your Hands. – AND KEEP ‘EM OUT OF SIGHT AND OFF THE FIELD…If teams were to bring coolers with punch, orange juice, and Gatorade that have “SPECIAL ADDED INGREDIENTS” – that’s TOTALLY FINE… Just keep the visual evidence of our debauchery away. No beer cans or bottles. But if you were to walk up with 22 oz of cold, crisp Pabst Blue Ribbon in a Squeezie Water Bottle – I’m all smiles….

Have fun and be safe out there, y’all. Walk the ladies to their cars after games and after drinks, fellas. It’s the right thing to do, and people will notice your improved social skills.

In the coming weeks you’ll be able to take a gander at team write-ups, the next week’s schedule, and info on upcoming events. As always, if you have questions, feel free to keep them to yourself – forcing them into a tiny ball of rage deep within the pit of your stomach, to then be let out at a completely inappropriate time. OR, you can send me an email (I’m at kickballsuperstar@mail.com - pipe down back there. You know it’s cool.), or buy me a beer at Dengate’s and I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. Until my beer’s gone.

See you on the field and at the bar, kids…
-Your Friendly Neighborhood Ghost Man

WEEK 2 GAMES:
WEDNESDAY JUNE 15
Field A 6:30 Charitable Ballers & The Blumps
Field A 7:15 Good Times & 3 Dollar Bills

Field B 6:30 Average Joes & Copper Penny
Field B 7:15 Ball Busters & Coconut Bangers

THURSDAY JUNE 16
Field A 6:30 NKOTB & The Sure Thing
Field A 7:15 Stinky Pinky & Sleeping W/ Socks On

Field B 6:30 Off in Wood & Yager Bombers
Field B 7:15 Rex Kwan Do & Red Rubbers

This week has sucked donkey bollocks as far as work goes. Something’s gotta give. And that something this week, was me updating this site.

I feel out of the loop with not only you folks crazy enough to come here and read what I have to say, but with all of your sites as well. I haven’t checked squat all week! For all I know:

1) BR’s in Kualalumpur, and his photoblog has won three pulitzers.
2) Viv’s come and gone to Charleston with her 50-ish ex-coworker that’s Creepy with a capital Freak.
3) Melina and Drk have moved from the cornfield and are both working at Coyote Ugly in Las Vegas. Melina’s monthly phone bill is $258 due to massive long distance text-messaging charges.
4) Jackie has left her new job and is currently working on an “86 Tips for Women” book (a la “He’s just not that into you). Melina will buy the first copy. sorry - that was too easy.
5) ACW - has revealed his true identity, and is finally comfortable letting everyone know that yes, he is in fact, River Phoenix - who faked his death years ago to avoid the limelight, but is now ready for some action again.

I will catch up with y’all on the flip side of this weekend.
Happy 11 days before Flag Day!
-KS