The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

I’ve got quite the exciting weekend lined up thus far. Wanna hear what i’m doing?

Seriously, though, not a whole lot to blog home about. mowing the lawn, trimming a couple of trees, digging a trench along the right side of my house to keep the Black Knight at bay - er, I mean, to create a bug barrier (we’ve got bugs down here that you haven’t seen since Land of the Lost - KSG, I’ll have to explain that one to you later…) along that side of my house. Oh, and I was gonna kill this bad boy (she’s actually a girl):

Feed Me, Seymour!

but then I learned that it’s non-poisonous and eats a buttload of bugs. She’s my new friend. I’ve named her Bertha…

Enjoy your weekend, y’all. And to two lovely people in New Orleans, I sure do hope that you’ve recieved your card. I sent it two weeks ago! And thanks for keeping tabs on me…

I’ll give y’all the skinny on the commercial shoot on Monday.

Rainbows and sunshine,
-KS

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning to have this little spot on my face looked at and some moles checked out. Everything’s cool. Just a little “pre-cancer” thing going. nothing to see here. move along.

Seriously though - I’ll be fine. They’re gonna freeze off the spot on my face (it’s on my cheek near my right eye - about the size of a dime. It’s just like a little patch of skin that’s a little darker than the rest of my face), and “punch out” (how bad does THAT sound?!?!) two moles - one on my stomach, and one on my back. My appointment’s October 10. If you wanna throw any good vibes my way that day, that’d be great. Mom, you can thank KSG for setting the appointment and making me go.

They wanted to freeze the spot on my face this morning, and that’s when I had to tell them (and is the real reason for this post):

“Sorry. You can’t do that today, because I’m going to be in a commercial on Friday.”

That’s right. Your Kickball Superstar is “starring” in commerical for Piggly Wiggly grocery stores. For those of you up North, the Pig has been a southern staple for over 50 years.

Me and two of my friends will be wearing football jerseys, have our faces painted, and be running around the store, getting ready for “the big game.” No clue what our lines are yet, but I’m sure someone should probably alert the Academy now to let them know what’s coming their way.

And speaking of the Academy, if I have a speaking line in the commerical (which I do), doesn’t that mean I can apply to be a member of the Screen Actor’s Guild, and therefore vote for the Academy Awards?

The shoot’s Friday night, and I’ll be sure to let y’all know when it airs.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to do lunch with TomKat, and then throw up with Nicole Richie.

I just got a much overdue haircut. I was definitely living up to all the names that I was called growing up (hell, I STILL get called those names) - you know, like: rughead, afroboy, brillohead, screech, moptop, and the all-time favorite PubeHead. Sons of bitches. I hope you all have kids that look like little monkeys, fling poo at you, and grow up to put you in a home. And not one of those fancy old folks’ homes, the kind that 60 minutes does exposés about.

But I digress…

I went to Sport Clips. If you’ve never heard of it (it’s pretty new, at least down here in the Bible Belt), it’s this haircut joint that’s supposed to be totally catered to guys.

Bust the fro, or I’ll bust you…

As a guy, and someone who was in desperate need of a fro-bustin’, I decided to give them a whirl.

The place is definitely designed with guys in mind. Sports memorabilia all over the walls, Gigantic TV in the waiting area with a football game playing (it was a re-run of Saturday’s game of Jags vs. Bucs), and a bunch of sports mags and other “non-cosmo” pubs lying around. But they thought of other cool details, too.

Like: Pricing. First of all, it’s pretty cheap (my cut was $9, but that was a promotional price. The normal price is $14). Next, is that all of their prices are clearly labeled on a big sign above the register so you know exactly how much it costs and exactly what you get for each deal you go for.

And, when they call your name, your stylist (or haircutterperson or whatever) comes out, shakes your hand, introduces herself and leads you to the chair. And the chairs are comfy, y’all.

There is a tv at each station, too, that is tuned to ESPN so you can watch as they cut your hair. It was great! I was loving the whole thang.

And that’s when the wheels came off the bus…

For all their forethought, planning, and (I’m guessing here) market research, they missed one very important detail - DON’T TALK TO ME WHEN FOOTBALL IS ON.

Now, I know that some talking is necessary - “A little off the sides today?” “Sideburns or no?” “Do you want seconds on that meatloaf?” (I made that last one up, but Man! That would be awesome!) - but if you are supposed to know guys, then you also should know that if you’re going to put a football game in front of us, you BETTER either be talking to me about the game (the specific game or sports in general), or don’t talk at all.

I don’t want to tell you about my job, if I have kids, or where I live around here, and I really don’t want to listen to your “nightmare” stories about finding a babysitter, or how you and your boyfriend met. That’s why I came to your place. To get my hair cut, and watch tv. That’s it. Nothing else. I just wanted to watch the game, not have to have those forced, uncomfortable conversations that you know she’s had 15 times already that day, and be off.

I’d give the place an A, but because of the incessant chatter, I knock ‘em down to a B-. Talk about sports, or don’t talk at all, and you’re aces with me…

-KS

PS - I’m not some turbo-jock wannabe either. I just really liked the idea of getting to watch some football, and especially, not having to have a conversation. Know what I mean?

My nephew flew down Friday afternoon, as he starts at the College of Charleston tomorrow. So, we spent the weekend driving to Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, Office Depot, etc. purchasing the things he needed to start school.

On Saturday, I took him to lunch, we packed his stuff into my car, and we moved him into his dorm (in record-breaking heat, I might add - I heard it got to 107+ here on Saturday), and made a second trip for more supplies.

KSG and I took him to Sunday brunch, then to Target and Office Depot for one last resupply, and dropped him back at the dorm - and that’s where the idea hit me.

I think that they should make at-risk teens drive a kid around for a week - taking them to school, to football/ballet/swimming practice, clothes shopping, to the grocery store, etc. I know that after two-and-a-half days of it, I learned that:

1) I still enjoy my time too much to put it all on the backburner for my kid(s) (which I will gladly do someday. Just not today).

2) There is no way in HELL that I could afford to have a kid right now. Z probably spent close to $1,000 this weekend on everything from bedding to books. I don’t drink $1 PBR just because they taste so good…

As my nephew was loading the final storage bins into his dorm room, I called my parents, and just said, “thanks. thanks for taking me to countless practices/games/camps/shopping trips/movies/doctor’s appointments/feeding me/clothing me/sheltering me/etc.” I always appreciated it, but it just hit me over the head like a whack-a-mole mallet at 2:30PM on Sunday, when I could finally start MY weekend (which consisted of buying groceries, setting up an air filter, cooking dinner, and getting to watch the Simpsons)!

So, Thanks Mom and Dad.

And kids, don’t make the babies yet.

Ahoy mateys,
-KS

As crappy as I felt on Friday, I feel worlds better today.

Y’all must have some good juju going or something.

Thanks,
-KS

Today is a bad day.

I hope to have a good day soon.

good day, y’all.
-KS

Let me start off by saying that what you are about to read is from something that I found on Fark.com (which i highly recommend).

The paragraphs below are about a Japanese animated movie that Disney released.

I’ve seen a lot of weird Japanese animation, but this is one of the weirdest. I sat my wife and kids down in front of the TV to watch it and everything started off OK. Then the raccoons came on the screen and started transforming. That was strange, but not that strange. It was then that I noticed something odd between the legs of the male raccoon characters. It wasn’t until I saw it again a few times that I realized what it was – a scrotum. I said to my wife, “Did you see that?” We both looked again and I said, “Is that what I think it is??” We then realized we had seen the first testicles shown in a Disney film. Fortunately the kids didn’t notice. But it got weirder from there.

As the movie progressed, an older male raccoon asked all the other male raccoons to sit on a large red carpet. The carpet then transformed and folded up between the male raccoon’s legs. Yes, he transformed his scrotum into a giant carpet. Again, I said, “Was that what I thought it was?!?” It got weirder from there. Later in the film, a bunch of raccoons start flying in formation to attack the humans. Their testicles then swell up to about 10 feet in diameter and they dropped out of the sky and flattened the humans with their massive balls. After landing, one of the warriors proceeded to swing his large scrotum around knocking over humans in a fight. I frankly couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I was simultaneously amused, baffled, repulsed, and at a loss for words.

Ok. KS here again. wow. Part of me thinks this is BS, but I also really want to believe this is true. Anyone out there know about this?

And if you want to read the rest of this guy’s review, just go here.

On a completely un-ball-related note, my nephew flies down here (without whomping anyone in the head with his scrotal sack I hope. The Dept. of Homeland Security frowns on that sort of behavior) tomorrow to begin college at the College of Charleston!

Also, I’ve been toying around with the idea of podcasting lately. Especially after listening to the Nate and Di Show (who live here in the Chucktown area, too). I’ll keep you posted on how that pans out!

CROATOAN,
-KS

I’m way busy at work today (can you say “crisis communications?”), but I HAD to forward this!

This is oh so good and oh so bad for oh so many reasons…

Enjoy!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Kickball Superstar

No, it’s not the latest Japanese electronic game, or a soft drink from Russia - it’s the 20th annual alternative music festival held in Belgium. And the Hackensaw Boys (my cousin’s band) are playing in it.

Yes, a gratuitous plug for my cousin’s band in my blog. Shut up. You’d do it, too, if you’re sister/aunt/niece/friend’s half-brother was playing somewhere cool. And if they were good.

And the Boys are good, y’all…a straightforward, bluegrass, and old-time music band, that’s opened for the likes of Cake, Modest Mouse, and The Flaming Lips. They played Bonnarroo in 2004, and have been touring non-stop for the past six years.

So, if you happen to be backpacking across Europe, or feel the need for some really good chocolate with a side of great music, be sure to check ‘em out.

Or, just hang tight til they come to you. And they will…

Tell the guitar player that his Cousin in Charleston says hello.

To hear some good tunes, check this out: The Telluride Bluegrass Festival: 30 years The song is “Sweet Petunia”

I know we’re known as polite, genteel, and courteous to a fault down here (We’re also known as backwards, inbred, and ridiculously close-minded, too. But that’s for another day, my pets), but I have to agree 100% with Mr. Happy. Maybe it’s just because I got back from a three-hour board meeting where all I did was click a f’ing button (”next slide”). Are you kidding me?!?!? I wanted to scream at the client about how they just burned 20% of my time working for them at a meeting where I didn’t say a word.

I. clicked. a. button. Oh, I clicked it good, though, y’all. I just clicked and clicked (only when it was appropriate, mind you), and then, just when the clicking and talking were just too much….I got to turn off the laptop and projector, and leave.

Anyway, I digress. The point is that that was just an entirely frustrating affair I put up with, and I haven’t eaten anything yet today, so I was in the perfect frame of mind to read this post from Mr. Happy over at That Bothers Me. Give it a read sometime. And if you don’t agree with it, join a commune in Asheville and enjoy a life of beet farming, drum circles, and pitchouli. Hippies. Always wanting to share stuff. (Sorry. Another tangent.)

Have a great weekend everyone. I’m off to purchase unnecessary (and necessary) things for the new house. Maybe I’ll buy a dog and get her an iPod.

-KS