The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

I just got a much overdue haircut. I was definitely living up to all the names that I was called growing up (hell, I STILL get called those names) - you know, like: rughead, afroboy, brillohead, screech, moptop, and the all-time favorite PubeHead. Sons of bitches. I hope you all have kids that look like little monkeys, fling poo at you, and grow up to put you in a home. And not one of those fancy old folks’ homes, the kind that 60 minutes does exposés about.

But I digress…

I went to Sport Clips. If you’ve never heard of it (it’s pretty new, at least down here in the Bible Belt), it’s this haircut joint that’s supposed to be totally catered to guys.

Bust the fro, or I’ll bust you…

As a guy, and someone who was in desperate need of a fro-bustin’, I decided to give them a whirl.

The place is definitely designed with guys in mind. Sports memorabilia all over the walls, Gigantic TV in the waiting area with a football game playing (it was a re-run of Saturday’s game of Jags vs. Bucs), and a bunch of sports mags and other “non-cosmo” pubs lying around. But they thought of other cool details, too.

Like: Pricing. First of all, it’s pretty cheap (my cut was $9, but that was a promotional price. The normal price is $14). Next, is that all of their prices are clearly labeled on a big sign above the register so you know exactly how much it costs and exactly what you get for each deal you go for.

And, when they call your name, your stylist (or haircutterperson or whatever) comes out, shakes your hand, introduces herself and leads you to the chair. And the chairs are comfy, y’all.

There is a tv at each station, too, that is tuned to ESPN so you can watch as they cut your hair. It was great! I was loving the whole thang.

And that’s when the wheels came off the bus…

For all their forethought, planning, and (I’m guessing here) market research, they missed one very important detail - DON’T TALK TO ME WHEN FOOTBALL IS ON.

Now, I know that some talking is necessary - “A little off the sides today?” “Sideburns or no?” “Do you want seconds on that meatloaf?” (I made that last one up, but Man! That would be awesome!) - but if you are supposed to know guys, then you also should know that if you’re going to put a football game in front of us, you BETTER either be talking to me about the game (the specific game or sports in general), or don’t talk at all.

I don’t want to tell you about my job, if I have kids, or where I live around here, and I really don’t want to listen to your “nightmare” stories about finding a babysitter, or how you and your boyfriend met. That’s why I came to your place. To get my hair cut, and watch tv. That’s it. Nothing else. I just wanted to watch the game, not have to have those forced, uncomfortable conversations that you know she’s had 15 times already that day, and be off.

I’d give the place an A, but because of the incessant chatter, I knock ‘em down to a B-. Talk about sports, or don’t talk at all, and you’re aces with me…

-KS

PS - I’m not some turbo-jock wannabe either. I just really liked the idea of getting to watch some football, and especially, not having to have a conversation. Know what I mean?