The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

I’m going to be buried in a bunch of non-wookie-related work today, but I thought I’d pass this along to y’all.

SlackCircus presents: He-Man does 4 Non Blondes…

Enjoy! See you tomorrow!
-KS

Wow.

This one was tough, y’all. I have no doubt that each of you would give Chewie a great home, based on the efforts put forth in my humble caption contest! But, only one person will be walking away with The Chewie.

I narrowed it down to five finalists. Here they are in no particular order:

• Pat Robertson blames Boy/Chair union on gay marriage, pornography, Flipper reruns
by AnonymousCoworker

• When asked about getting head stuck in seat, Boys remarks, “It was for chair-ity.”
by AnonymousCoworker

• 1st year Gryffindor flunks Chair Levitation final. It’s “Leviosa”. Right, Hermione?
by KSGM

• After failing his philosophy test, yet again, Billy proves the existence of the elusive “chair.”
by Jackie

• Giving Bobby a special “Double” dose of Ritalin ends in disaster as Bobby tries to get his “head in the game.”
by Jackie

So, with no further adieu, I’m so happy to turn the announcement ceremony over to Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson.

RJ: ACW - I totally dug all of your entries, dawgs. Yo, I mean they was tight, dawg. ACW brings game with some political-type humor, and then, BAM! He hits you with some old-school silly-ass wordplay! I’m feeling you, dawg.

KS: Donald Trump??!?! How the HELL did you get in here?!?! I like ACW and I thought his stuff was great! No need to be an asshole about it. You’re friggin’ hair is fired, Donald. Why don’t you, that Lemony Snicket looking dude, and the Princess Di after a year of benders, go back to the boardroom, and continue to fill your company with GAME SHOW CONTESTANTS!!!!

sorry folks. back to the show…

(theme music begins to play)….

We seem to be running out of time, so let’s wrap this up, shall we?

KSGP - Your entries were absolutely great! All these whippersnappers that entered the contest should give you your propers for stepping up to the plate and delivering some comedy gold…But, as much as it pains me to say this (And run the risk of getting docked major points), Chewie will be going to neither Houston nor the Crescent City. But I think you’re both very smart, attractive, and I’m honored that you jumped in with both feet.

Well, that narrows it down, doesn’t it?

Jackie - As silly, wacky, stupid, fiercely intelligent and ravingshly handsome as I am, I’m also a sucker for a good philosophy joke.

Jackie from 86 Tips is the winner of the 1st Annual Chewbacca Award for funniest caption in a pointless blog contest!!!!!!

Shoot me an email and let me know what your address is, and the three-inch wookie will be on his way to you!

Just remember: You’ve got to take him out (at least once!), photograph the night (or day, or afternoon)’s events, and post ‘em on your site! Then, one day, when the time is right - and Chewie will let you know - show Chewie the door by offering him up to a contest winner of your choice!

Thanks for playing everyone!

RJ: Peace, dawgs!
PA: G’bye, everyone! I love you all! Aren’t KSGP sooooo cute?!!?
SC: Oh, bloody hell…

Charleston, SC - Kickball Superstar, judge of the blogosphere’s favorite caption contest, has just under 12 hours to render his decision in one of the most competitive contests to date. With almost 30 entries - including captions from his girlfriend’s parents and his own mother - the competition was fierce and the captions funny.

“We’re really pleased with the outstanding turnout for this month’s contest,” said Kickball Superstar. “In addition to the online submissions, we’ve also recieved several phone calls attempting to sway the judgement one way or the other.” KS assures this publication that his decision will be as fair and objective as it can be.

“I just want to remind everyone that I’m expecting great things from the winner of this contest,” remarks KS. “I want the winner(s) to take Chewie out, have a great time, and take lots of photographs, so that we all know that he made it to the right home.”

Stay tuned, folks. I’ll announce the winner tonight at 9:59PM…

Thanks for playing, y’all. I had a GREAT time reading all your entries!

-KS

Won’t you please take him and and let him become a part of your family?

Just THREE DAYS LEFT on the Photo Caption Contest - Featuring Chewbacca!

I LOVE the captions that y’all have submitted so far, but I’m a greedy man, and want more to choose from!

Who among you can match wits with ACW?

Who can drop a funk bomb on Boogie?

Who wants to lay the smackdown on my mom? Figuratively speaking, of course. KSM is a wonderful woman whom I love and appreciate like no other.

Who thinks they can serve KSGM? Once again, figuratively speaking. KSGM is another lovely woman whom I’ve grown to admire, respect, and care for. And she TOTALLY let me cut in the food line at the wedding in Austin this summer!

Can you bring da noise to KSGD? What about da funk? Just be careful when you bring it. Mr. KSGD is a honorable, wise, and ruggedly attractive gentleman. And he’ll be waiting for your noise and funk-bringing….oh yes. He’ll be waiting…

You have until 9AM Monday morning to submit. I will announce the winner at 9:59PM on Monday night - just before Laguna Beach…the Real Orange County.

Good luck!
-KS

PS - I’m in another improv show tonight…Improv Freight Train. If you’re in the Charleston area - or have crazy Diddy money and can chopper in - feel free to come to the show!

THE HAVE NOTS! present IMPROV FREIGHT TRAIN
It features talented improvisers from Fishing w/ Dynamite and Improv Smackdown whose collective credits include a scorekeeping Stingrays games, DJ-ing at a rock station, starring in Piggly Wiggly commercials, murder mystery performances, washing dishes among other exciting, comedy-inspiring activities, and other groups to create two acts of ridiculously funny shizz-bango comedy.
8:00 p.m.
Tickets are $10

For reservations call 853-6687 or go to www.thehavenots.com.

Theatre 99 is located at 280 Meeting Street (above the Bicycle Shoppe). Our
entrance is up the stairs at the back of the building.

I’m leaving the Photo Caption on the top of the page (well, under this post) until the contest is over. Or, should I say until ACW and his 709 entries wins (thanks for entering too, mom).

But I will still be posting new stuff. It’ll just go under the photo caption for now…

hit me with your best caption. I triple dog dare you.
-KS

I found this on Fark.com today, and my head almost exploded due the number of jokes that rushed into my brain…

I’m almost entirely out of kickball stuff (I hung up my cleats, by the way. But I’m keeping the moniker.), so the winner of this month’s caption contest will win (and I can’t believe I’m doing this) Chewbacca.

That’s right. I’m giving away the three-inch wookie that parties like there’s no tomorrow.

For those of you who don’t remember, click on the link above and/or check out the picture below.

My only stipulations are these:
1) The winning caption better be freaking HILARIOUS
2) You HAVE to take Chewie out with you at least one night, document it photographically, and post the pics on your site. If you don’t have a site, then email the pics to me, and I will post them here.
3) KSM and KSGP are eligible to win, but MUST follow rules #1 and #2. KSG can enter, but you can’t win, girl. Folks would think I was up to something if my girlfriend won…

So, sharpen your pencils and your wits, cuz it’s go time. Give Chewie a good home.

I’ll give y’all a week on this one. Captions must be submitted by 9AM Monday, September 26th.

With lower lip quivering,
-KS

I saw “Just Like Heaven” on Saturday.

And I liked it. Although Napoleon Dynamite guy’s character sucked.

I also love (that’s right - love) “Laguna Beach,” “My Super Sweet Sixteen” and “Cooking with Paula Dean.”

When I go to the doctor’s office in two weeks to have some moles removed, I’m going to ask if they can remove my ovaries, too.

On a completely unrelated note - Do y’all remember the Thundercats cartoon? If so - or even if, not - go here and check out these audio bloopers from the voice actors!!

Last night was that time for me.

KSG and I spent the afternoon playing the instruments at Costco. Then we tossed a football around for awhile out in the front yard. She’s got a good arm, y’all.

Later that evening, we were watching the Simpsons (i bought season six at Costco, too), and she was quoting lines before they were spoken!

And the clincher? Family Guy came on at 9. We both lost it during the scene when Peter and Michael Moore were in adjacent toilets and they were having a farting contest (they were farting “dueling banjos”). And that’s when I knew (I already knew, but that just solidified it) that I’m keeping her.

Yeah, I know this is sappy. Deal with it.

Later today or tonight, I’ll post about my inaugural improv performance - it was pretty good. My first scene was a damn solo scene - in absolute darkness…

smell you later,
-KS

This week I:
1) wrote copy for a website
2) drafted a pr plan for a bus system
3) learned our new billing system
4) ate lunch
5) other whatevery stuff

Meanwhile, my friend James finished hiking the Appalachian Trail. Georgia to Maine. 2,175 miles.

Damn, bo. Way to show a brother up.

I’ve linked to his trail journal throughout his entire 6 month trek. Not sure if any of you ever stopped by to read it, but here’s the link to his last entry.

Congrats, good buddy. Now get home safely so we can sing some karaoke.

love,
-KS

I travelled into the future today. How? I’m not at liberty to divulge that information, but a toaster, an egg timer, and three bits of aluminum foil strategically placed were involved. But I did get to catch my performance in Friday’s Improv Smackdown show - and we were awesome. The whole group kicked major butt. Which was really refreshing, because yesterday’s (9/14) improv show was a little on the rough side. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t suck. But we’ve done better.

KSG and I usually gel onstage, but, like my watch, our timing was a little off last night. I still thought she did great though. Whereas I feel like I look nervous or a little unsure of my surroundings, she just waltzes up there and lets it happen. She’s her worst critic (and I’m mine), but I think her version of “bad” is other people’s “pretty damn funny.”

I’m proud of her, and you should be, too.

Wednesday’s show ran about 25 minutes - the last 15 minutes of which was bit after bit about my curly hair and the eery notion that I kind of look like Screech/the kid from Boy Meets World/David Hasselhoff (i concede the Ben Savage observation - I kinda do look like him). It was moderately amusing to me, and perhaps only slightly moreso to the audience…

I would’ve posted pictures from Friday’s performance, but, as you know, time travel requires one to be naked or in some type of pocketless unitard. And, depending on which school of thought you subscribe to, covered in some sort of space goo.

Gotta go now. A man walking his dog is going to pass our building, trip over his dog, and knock himself unconscious. I need to go out and catch him.