I found this on Fark.com today, and my head almost exploded due the number of jokes that rushed into my brain…
I’m almost entirely out of kickball stuff (I hung up my cleats, by the way. But I’m keeping the moniker.), so the winner of this month’s caption contest will win (and I can’t believe I’m doing this) Chewbacca.
That’s right. I’m giving away the three-inch wookie that parties like there’s no tomorrow.
For those of you who don’t remember, click on the link above and/or check out the picture below.
My only stipulations are these:
1) The winning caption better be freaking HILARIOUS
2) You HAVE to take Chewie out with you at least one night, document it photographically, and post the pics on your site. If you don’t have a site, then email the pics to me, and I will post them here.
3) KSM and KSGP are eligible to win, but MUST follow rules #1 and #2. KSG can enter, but you can’t win, girl. Folks would think I was up to something if my girlfriend won…
So, sharpen your pencils and your wits, cuz it’s go time. Give Chewie a good home.
I’ll give y’all a week on this one. Captions must be submitted by 9AM Monday, September 26th.
With lower lip quivering,
-KS
Terrance “Tubby” Jackson prepares to have his headgear removed after recovering from what dentists called, “The ugliest set of chompers this side of London.”
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 19, 2005 @
I ain’t writing nuthin’ since I never got my last prize! Though I am dying to have the Wookie. Ooh, I think you should award to Wookie with the stipulation of a captioned evening and then they have to have a contest and pass it on to the next winner. Wookie could travel the world!
Comment by Vivian — September 20, 2005 @
ACW - nicely done, as usual. I recently learned that you now have KSGP as fans, too!
Viv - what was I supposed to send you, and did you give me your address? I think the “Traveling Wookie” idea is a great one!
Comment by Kickball Superstar — September 20, 2005 @
Your lady’s parents? For serious? ‘Cause now I feel like I have some image to keep up. Dag.
Guess I’ll have to keep thinking of more captions.
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 20, 2005 @
A contender in Klassroom Kombat gets fitted for a “safety vest” due to new “kid-friendly” school board regulations.
*****
Dr. Phil’s new “No-nonsense ADD Stopper” is tested on a squirming youth.
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 20, 2005 @
ACW is running away with this one! I’m excited - and somewhat terrified - as to where he’d take Chewie!!!! But keep ‘em coming man!
Comment by Kickball Superstar — September 21, 2005 @
A result of —
Get Your Head Out of Your Ass !!
Comment by KSM — September 21, 2005 @
“America’s Overweight Youth Developing Protective Counter-measures to Taunting and Teasing. ‘Oh Shit!’ says Humanity.”
Comment by Stick — September 21, 2005 @
Robert Duvall and an Unnamed Black Nurse Aid Yet Another Troubled, Overweight Special-Ed Youth In A Game Of ‘Pin The Tail On The Donkey’ Gone Wrong.
Comment by Stick — September 21, 2005 @
He was totally content with keeping his new “bling bling” to outdo flava flave, but the school nurse tempted him with his only weakness, candy, to bring in the jaws of life…Someday, fat white boys will be able to live out their dream as a whigger without fear of racist guardians
Comment by boogie — September 22, 2005 @
OK.OK. We’ve contacted the kids parents and he’s in good hands…Now it’s time to find that priest son of a bitch who snuck up on Percy while he was saying his prayers in Sunday school
Comment by boogie — September 22, 2005 @
Overachieving Tommy will do anything to win at “Musical Chairs”.
Comment by KSGP — September 23, 2005 @
NICE! KSGP (mom) enters the race! I promise to be objective as possible, but, you have to admit that entry’s pretty damn good!
Comment by Kickball Superstar — September 23, 2005 @
Son, I keep telling you, it’s ass first!
Comment by KSGD — September 23, 2005 @
Skynet’s first cyborg is nearly prepared to be sent back in time to kill Sarah Conner.
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 23, 2005 @
Pat Robertson blames Boy/Chair union on gay marriage, pornography, Flipper reruns
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 23, 2005 @
When asked about getting head stuck in seat, Boys remarks, “It was for chair-ity.”
/dodges tomatoes
Comment by AnonymousCoworker — September 23, 2005 @
Y’all are gonna get me canned from laughing at my desk. They frown on that and poke you with sharp sticks here.
KSGD enters the contest firing both barrels! I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl! a 6′2″ 215lb schoolgirl, that loves his girlfriend and treats her with the love, respect and care she deserves, good sir.
Comment by Kickball Superstar — September 23, 2005 @
1st year Gryffindor flunks Chair Levitation final. It’s “Leviosa”. Right, Hermione?
Comment by KSGM — September 23, 2005 @
Skilled surgical team begins rare Siamese twin separation procedure.
Comment by KSGM — September 24, 2005 @
The make-a-wish foundation implores KS, on behalf of Thomas Williard Grossman, Jr, to grant one (1) wookie to Thomas’s favorite waitress, Jackie, since after Thomas was separated from the chair (herein known as “The Incident”), he began bleeding internally and was given last rites. For the love of god, give the wookie to that waitress. For a dying fat boy who got stuck in a chair. Please.
Comment by Jackie — September 25, 2005 @
After failing his philosophy test, yet again, Billy proves the existence of the elusive “chair.”
Comment by Jackie — September 25, 2005 @
Wait a second!!!If they’re taking the chair off of his head, then why is everyone staring at his ass?!?
Comment by boogie — September 25, 2005 @
It just goes to show you that even at an early age KS was always sticking his nose into places he shouldn’t
Comment by boogie — September 25, 2005 @
After a blatant disreguard to the new rulings passed by the school board, Mrs. Shelton had to be let go after going against her BETTER judgement to continue her sex ed talks with her fourth grade class. In response to the school board ruling, Mrs. Shelton responded, “I think it is important for our children to be taught the inner workings of the human reproduction process. If we want to promote abstinence and/or safe sex, children and young adults should know the consequences of their decisions…especially the [uneducated, agitated women]” She had no idea her “little talks” would have such a profound effect on the “other [fatherless children]” in the classroom…Boy, someone had it out for her.
Comment by boogie — September 25, 2005 @
My girlfriend informed me that my comment was more of an article…so here is my correction…………..
Mrs. Shelton thought “Big” Tom would be the perfect volunteer to demonstrate the miracle of birth…She never thought he would actually try to fit himself through a hole the size of the one in their chairbacks
Comment by boogie — September 26, 2005 @
Just give the kid a popsicle and he’ll be fine. Trust me, I’m a doctor.
(Now gimme the wookie!)
Comment by Jackie — September 26, 2005 @
Four FEMA volunteers attempt to save Bobby from his rendition of: “Hurricane Klassroom” and his unorthodox spelling of “Potatoe.”
Comment by Jackie — September 26, 2005 @
Giving Bobby a special “Double” dose of Ritalin ends in disaster as Bobby tries to get his “head in the game.”
Comment by Jackie — September 26, 2005 @
Public Schools: Where your child can get in even MORE trouble than at home.
Comment by Jackie — September 26, 2005 @