The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

So I’ve been hooked on TikiBar TV for a few weeks now. Check ‘em out when you get a chance.

BUT…something shady happened today.

A commenter on their site pointed out that it was, in fact, a video podshow created by a marketing company in the attempt to garner sponsors for product placements and mentions on their “show.”

I checked it out and it’s true.

Later this afternoon, I went back to TikiBar TV’s site, and that comment was gone.

Guys - from one marketing guy to another: if you’re going to make/promote a site, and people catch on to it, don’t deny it it or try to hide it. Just accept it, keep cranking out good stuff, and people will (hopefully) keep coming back for more…

ok? ok.

Hey - check this out, too.

Now, I’m off to emcee a film festival with KSG (seriously). We’re gonna be like Joan and Melissa Rivers. Except we’ll be funny. And good-looking. And less than 100 years old. And we’ve never gone under the knife.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Thanks you for the following (obviously this list is NOT all-inclusive).

Including:

1) Working two jobs so that I could eat and have a roof over my head
2) being team mom for my little league football teams
3) taking me to see the U of D during Greek Week…you sneaky devil…
4) baking whatever cake I wanted on my birthday
5) making me drive 2.5 hours from college, and then immediately turn around and drive the 2.5 hours back, just to return a movie. Tough love, KSM…
6) doing the “i feel like chicken tonight” dance with me
7) instilling in me your crazy, twisted sense of humor that either entertains or horrifies people
8) laughing at me when i damn near knocked myself out at church
9) working all day, coming home to cook dinner, then cleaning up after the savages that are your sons and husband. we love you.
10) buying me my first guitar
11) buying me my second guitar
12) bursting into tears at Waters Field when you thought you lost me, but then found me after the Herndon/Vienna football game
13) teaching me the joys of mexican food
14) teaching me how to cook said mexican food
15) teaching me how to drive a stick shift car - in your pretty-new prelude - that i probably grinded the crap out of the gears on
16) always saying “i love you” after every phone conversation
17) listening to me prattle on about non-important drivel and not rolling your eyes
18) listening to me struggle with some of the hardest decisions i’ve ever had to make and offering your advice, or just your attention
19) not getting mad at me for never learning “money for nothing” on the guitar (a condition of said guitar’s purchase)
20) buying me a nose flute
21) knowing that i would love said nose flute
22) coming down to visit and taking part in a silly blogging photo challenge (that’s my mom’s tongue on the street, y’all…)
23) passing on your love of reading to me
24) passing on the ability to be graceful one second, and a complete klutz the next
25) dimes
26) not laughing at me or getting mad when i got my ear pierced when i was 17
27) knowing that by not laughing or getting mad, that i would remove the earring within two weeks
28) not letting me take the percoset prescribed to me when i broke my wrist because it “tylenol will do just fine, and that other stuff is serious business”
29) passing on your hazel eyes, wavy hair, and ability to be sympathetic to many sides of an issue
30) reading this site
31) never letting me see you and pop reallyfight and yell at each other
32) always letting me see you and the old man discuss things and hug and smooch
33) never giving up on me
34) always approaching life with a positive approach - even when things suck big time
35) learning how to text message me
36) busting me for lying when i said i went to school and scored points in the volleyball game - - - I was in third grade…
37) always making spaghetti when I’m home
38) being the most caring, responsible, courageous person that i know
39) being a tech geek
40) listening to metallica, ray charles, phish, ac/dc, chubby checker, big head todd and the monsters, squirrel nut zippers, beethoven, elvis, b.b. king, and sooooo much more
41) loving american idol
42) watching tv and making fun of the people on it
43) talking to yourself
44) laughing at yourself
45) keeping dad from killing me a few times
46) showing me how a real relationship works
47) playing h.o.r.s.e in the driveway
48) trying to ski where KSB and I went, wrecking, and getting stuck in waist-high powder
49) giving us the finger when we took your picture while you were stuck in the snow
50) never letting more than a week go by without a phone call
51) sticking up for the “step-children” when C.A.L. starts in with her nuttiness
52) never cussing until you turned 50 (and then it was just “dammit”), but letting me paint with a wide variety of profanities
53) thinking that split pea with ham and bacon soup and a grilled cheese sandwich is the best food in the world
54) taking me to get my nerdy nose cauterized cuz it used to bleed all the time
55) laughing at me
56) laughing with me
57) always being there when i need you
58) being my mom

Happy birthday, China. See you in a few hours…
-KS

That’s right. I said it. Danny Bonaduce SCARES me. Clowns, puppets, sometimes heights, and now, Danny Bonaduce has been added to my list.

Sometimes I think he’s full of it, but other times, the fact that he might be full of it scares me EVEN MORE. Because then he’s just smart (and crazy) enough to be dangerous, and that’s bad, y’all.

KSG and I like to say one of the lines from a recent episode in our scariest voice… “The woman…that I would KILL for…doesn’t exist.” You try it. Alone. In the dark.

KSG also thinks it’s funny to say, “Bonaduce Bonaduce Bonaduce” in the mirror. I’m just waiting for him to come crashing through it one of these days. And you can’t hit him in the head with a mug to stop him. He’ll just keep right on comin’…

But you can be your Aunt Fanny that I’ll be tuned in Sunday night to watch the latest episode…

You hear that, Danny? I like your show. Please don’t kill me or KSG. She knows not the forces with which she is dealing.

-KS

You win some: Jackie and Chewie hung out in Chicago, and he couldn’t look happier! Nicely done, Jackie. It seems that the wookie has taken a step up in bar class from the last time he was out with me…

You lose some: I found out Sunday night that I didn’t win the podcasting gear from the Nate and Di Show’s contest. Damn! That would’ve been sweet. I’m still interested in podcasting, but I’m going to have to wait and get some money saved in order to get the proper gear. Hint Hint, Santa…

I did win a free computer a few months ago though. Our company replaced all of it’s old Dell desktops with new IBM Thinkpads, so they raffled off the desktops, and I got one! It’s not bad - considering it was free - and I installed a 100 gig hard drive in it over the weekend so that I could move all my music from the laptop to my home PC. Not quite the greasy yet accomplished feeling you get when you change the oil in your car, but pretty damn close, if I do say so myself!

Until next time, America.
-KS

P.S. - KSMom, Dad, and older sister are coming down to Charleston this weekend. I’ll see if we can’t get some pics taken while we’re out on the town…

P.P.S. - I had the strangest dream last night. I woke up at 2:30 in the morning, and wrote down bits and pieces of it, so I’d remember it. At the very least it’ll be a post. At best, Miramax will option it and it will revive Scott Baio’s career….

End of the day, end of the week, folks. And I’ve decided to start a new weekly column: “Ask Johnny C.” It’ll appear right here in your favorite Slip and Slide of Moral Decay site each and every Friday.

For those of you out of the loop, John Calhoun is a South Carolinian, and John Quincy Adams’ Vice President.

He’s also a big ol’ statue in Marion Square here in beautiful Charleston, SC.

He doesn’t get as many people seeking his counsel as Honest Abe does up there in D.C., but he’s a solid guy (get it? solid? like a statue? nevermind), and has asked me to ask you to ask him whatever you’d like.

I took a stroll past him last night on the way to improv rehearsal, and let him know that y’all would be firing questions at him soon. But, seeing as this was the first week, and you didn’t know you had a wise old sage from whom you could seek knowledge, I asked him to provide horoscopes for you. He started in on the whole “witchcraft” and “pagan” tirade, but he gave in eventually. I think he just wanted to look tough, but really enjoyed the attention.

So, without further adieu, here’s what my friend and yours had to say:

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Beware of friends bearing Rumpleminz. Or better still, beware of Cheez Whiz. Cheez should NOT be able to be “squeezed” from a nozzle-tipped can!

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): You’ve just about had it with one particular blue-ribbon boob in your life. Grab a bottle of Rumpleminz and get a dialog going.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): You and your split personality will play against each other in a rousing game of checkers. You will be victorious – yet still very much insane.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): You will get a postcard this week that contains some very unsettling news. You won’t realize that, of course, since it will be written in a language you don’t understand. Send it back to the Gemini that sent it to you.

Leo (July 23 - August 22): Fiesty, hard-headed, and with a “Leaving Las Vegas” drinking ability, you will manage to piss no less than three people off this week – and not give one damn about it.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22): You will listen to William Shatner’s album, “Has Been” while trying to sync it up with movies on Bravo - hoping to find a match. Your mind will be blown when “American Psycho II” - brought to you by Priceline.com fits perfectly together.

Libra (September 22 - October 22): The child inside you will don socks, and slide across the linoleum floor. The adult inside you will complain after you miss the doorway by about an inch, hit the wall, and spill your bowl of cereal all over the floor.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): An old Norwegian saying states, “If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin cookie.” The Pillsbury Dough Boy says, “Eat me when you’re ready.” One of these two sayings will have particular meaning in your life this week.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): A creature named Mktha7, who is more than ten thousand years old yet has the disposition of a cranky two-year old child, is hiding under your house. He likes raisin cookies.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): You may decide to take a day trip on the spur of the moment. An exciting new romance could come of it, so go if it tickles your fancy. Remember - tickling your fancy is good. A burning sensation in your fancy means two months of penicillin and removing yourself from the dating pool for a while.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18): You may be presented with an out of the ordinary job or moneymaking opportunity. While you’re probably ready for something new and exciting anyway, avoid any opportunity that includes the words “Amateur Night”, “kilo”, and/or “Spruill Avenue”.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Nobody knows the trouble you’ve seen. Let’s just hope you can somehow keep it that way!

Thanks John! Remember, folks - send in your queries!
-KS

I’ve been very busy at work over the last week, and lazed about the house this weekend, so posting (and more importantly, reading everyone else’s blogs) has been put on the back burner. Hell - I don’t even know if Jackie got Chewie yet, or if she has, what she’s done with/to him!

I also have a certain group of readers for whom I have a special affection, who to keep boredom and restlessness at bay, read this drivel on a daily - sometimes hourly - basis. And to them, I’m REALLY sorry! But I hear that they may be heading home to the Big Easy very soon, and for that, I couldn’t be happier. I’m sending y’all all of my best vibes.

But I digress. I haven’t checked the site in a couple days, and I noticed that today my counter is hovering around 10,300! In just around 7 months, I’ve got 10,000 hits! Sweet!

I’m not sure where my old site’s traffic ended up (I had it for around the same amount of time. It’s here if you want to take a gander.), but I don’t think it was nearly this good.

So, thanks y’all. Thanks for hanging out with me and Chewie, sending in captions for my photo contests, sending ideas in for the photo challenge, offering career advice when I debated moving to Minneapolis (Sorry, Moo. Maybe 3M will court me and I’ll move up there, or you can bike your crazy ass down here.), getting in arguments with Viv, LMN, and half the lowcountry bloggers, buying a house (thanks for welcoming me in to the club, ACW - glad you liked the house pics) owing beers to Bathroom Reading during the old Blogger Challenge, and all the magical moments in between.

I’m still debating going down the podcasting route. I entered a contest over at The Nate and Di Show where they’re giving away an entire set-up to cast with. Keep your fingers crossed, and you may be hearing me soon…

Look - a seagull!
-KS

I like to think that I’m still fairly young, but I catch myself doing things on an almost daily basis that reinforce that I’m turning into an old man.

Drinking - I rarely do it. When I do, it’s usually just a couple, and I’m usually home before midnight.

Weekends - Saturdays trimming hedges, knocking down spider webs, watching football and doing laundry is relaxing.

Living La Vida Loca - I’m in bed before 11 each night. I used to GO OUT at 11.

But today caps it all off.

I wrote a Letter to the Editor of our local paper this morning.

I heard that there were some people complaining about a local symphony performance that was held on Saturday night. The symphony played with a local favorite band - Jump (formerly: Jump Little Children). They sold out a 2,300 seat venue and rocked (as hard as a symphony can rock, I suppose). People that normally would’ve never seen the symphony play got exposed to them, and some blue-blood jackasses that are symphony donors called to complain that it was too loud, that people were too rowdy, and that they couldn’t believe they were playing rock & roll.

My best friend works for the symphony, and I won’t stand for someone peeing in his cornflakes. This performance was his idea, and it sold out. A. Symphony. Performance. Sold. Out. In your face, jerky old people that probably still think that listening to Elvis will give you syphillis.

So, my letter’s below. I’ll let y’all know if it runs in the paper. I wanted to post it up here so at least you can read it. And so that anytime someone googles the symphony, this post will hopefully show up.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my epsom salt bath is ready.
-KS

I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly congratulate David Stahl, Sandy Ferencz and the Charleston Symphony Orchestra Board, Staff, and musicians for Saturday’s outstanding performance with Jump. I have attended many of the CSO’s performances over the past several seasons, and this was the most energetic, exciting, and entertaining performance to date.

The CSO board, staff, and musicians should be applauded for their courage and savvy.

Getting ready to sit down and watch the Simpsons, and cook dinner (KSG and I making KSGD’s green bean casserole-type thing), but thought I’d just drop a post and say hi.

I’m sure that dinner’s gonna be great, but I wouldn’t mind picking up a little food poisioning to keep me at home tomorrow…keep your fingers crossed…

I need a get rich quick scheme…If Ron Popeil can do it, so can I, right?

I’m not feeling particulary write-y right now, but maybe after Desperate Housewives I’ll feel a bit more prolific…

ciao, bellas.
-KS

So, it’s Saturday morning at 8:50AM, and I’m posting while listening to the Nate and Di Show, the Dawn and Drew Show and the Daily Source Code (if you’re not listening to their shows already, you should check ‘em out - I am becoming a podcast geek to the Nth degree).

I was out sick Wednesday and Thursday this week, and spent all of Friday trying to play catch up. I’d tell you about some of the stuff that happened at work today, but I really don’t wanna get canned just yet. Although, a fellow coworker and I are tossing the idea around of an anonymous blog so we can serve up some good ol’ dish.

I didn’t have my laptop with me, so I haven’t been able to check on all y’all’s sites, emails, and death threats for a few days. So, I’m gonna listen to some podcasts and catch up on my necessary reading.

few thoughts before I go:
1) KSG and I were in our first improv performance together last night, and it went great! I had to do a freakin’ solo scene again!

2) Dearest PHV: Your captions cracked me up, and I hope to see y’all soon. I’m going to try and send a special prize to y’all since a little birdy told me that you went as far as to get a proxy lined up to submit captions in case you lost power while YOU WERE RIDING OUT HURRICANE RITA. Jackie’s new best friend began his journey to the windy city yesterday. I hope to hear from him soon…

3) Mrs. Ramadatsa and Sarafina Piponosa say hello.

See you later, folks.
-KS