The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

Although my unemployment is stinging me in the wallet a little bit, I am very excited about the next few weeks…

why?

Annie’s last day of work was today.

Meaning, if we want to meet at the beach and have a cup of coffee tomorrow at 10AM, we can.

Matinee movie attendance is about to regularly be up by two.

The number of Scenes From the Next Whatever episodes is about to skyrocket (we apologize again for the delay between 8 and 9…)!

I know how to entertain myself and be happy on my own, but is sure is fun to have her around, too.

Doing nothing and it’s everything I imagined it would be.

The “band” (yep, quotations marks. and I’m kind of self-deprecatingly rolling my eyes when I type that word) that I’m in played our first public gig last Tuesday in a Battle of the Covers. Each band could play whatever they wanted for 20 minutes, but the last song had to be a cover of a Beatles tune.

We did pretty well, and have been asked back for the second round, which is tonight!

So, for anyone in the Charleston area looking for something to do on a Tuesday night is reading me today, come on down to The Map Room at 9:45PM tonight!

Goodnight Cleveland!
-Jay

Sorry for the lack of posts here, y’all. I realized this weekend that this is actually a great time for me to start writing more here (and other places…ooh…a mysterious hint of things to come…), so that’s what I’m a-gonna do.

Starting…..now.

The job hunt’s going pretty well. I’ve got a “phoner” (nod to Annie) with a company in Austin in about 90 minutes. Other than that, though, it’s been pretty quiet. I’ve applied for a little over 40 jobs in a little under 25 cities in exactly 16 States and one District.

It’s only been three weeks, but you can’t help but feel a little helpless and at the mercy of the “Thank you for your interest in exploring employment opportunities with INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE. Your skills and qualifications will be reviewed and if they match our position requirements, you will be contacted directly. Once again, we appreciate your interest in INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE and wish you every success in your career” emails and letters.

The best one of these emails that I’ve recieved so far was from Medtronic in Minneapolis (something keeps attracting me to that city…maybe MooCow and I are supposed to roam the city and go on adventures - fighting jaywalkers and loiterers throughout the mean streets of the city).

Side note: If anyone knows anyone at Medtronic - I’d be much obliged if you passed along a kind word about me. After all, I’m complementing their form letter here…

Here’s what they wrote me:

A Medtronic representative will contact you if we determine your unique qualifications, skills, and experience are a match for our job needs. If you have not heard from us in 30 days, you can assume we are proceeding with candidates whose skills and experience more closely match our requirements.

Isn’t that nice? At least you know that if you haven’t heard from them in a month, that you’re not going to hear from them. Puts a bit of closure on that search, right?

Now, here’s one that I got from the Seattle Symphony (I applied to be their PR Director. So if anyone knows anyone, you’d be aces in my book if you talked me up a bit. I’m just sayin’…). I’m not a big fan of this one. And I know that some folks’ll be like, “Um, dude? You’re trying to get a job with this place and your remarking about their form letters…see a problem here?”

Well, yeah, I do. I’m not COMPLETELY idiotic. But, I also know that part of my job will be to improve communications there, so here’s my first critique. And it’s a freebie. The solution will cost ‘em…

Here’s their letter:

Dear Candidate:

We have received your resume and thank you for your interest. Your resume has been forwarded to the hiring team for review. We will be contacting qualified candidates shortly. If you do not hear from us you can assume that we are pursuing other candidates. Again, thank you for your interest.

Sincerely,

Director of Human Resources

I can assume that you’re pursuing other candidates if I don’t hear from you. Wow. Thanks.

Hey - singles out there? Try that one on someone when you’re out one night.

“Oh. You want to give me your number? Ok. But if you don’t hear from me, you can assume that I’m pursuing other candidates. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, me.”

But all of this still beats what I was doing three weeks ago, y’all. That’s fo sho. And while the glut of spare time, and lack of funds can be discouraging at times, I’m 100% sure that I’m going to get one of those jobs that people are like, “Cool! I didn’t know they paid people to do that!”

Ok - gotta go play with the cats, watch some tv, and get ready for my phoner…

Rockin’ the suburbs,
-Jay

Episode 8 is fresh out the oven for you! Got the show notes below for added convenience and comfort, so strap in and enjoy the ride…

Thanks again everybody! Let us know what you think. If you don’t don’t like it - tell us. If you do, tell five other people… (shameless marketing ploy…)

Happy Monday, folks…

:00 We carry bass
:13 Ray knows what’s up
:37 Welcome back!
1:16 A really bad idea of mine
2:00 Break out your black arm bands
3:02 Updates
3:45 Not smoking sucks (part I)
5:42 Run your mouth…ful of lies
6:43 Jay’s rock and roll fantasy
7:55 Jay’s “no job freakout”
9:39 Annie makes an astute observation
10:15 Not smoking sucks (part II)
10:43 We see Aziz Ansari
10:58 Annie butchers Rolling Stone Magazine’s name
11:17 Jay butchers Rob Huebel’s name
13:00 It’s not an episode without talking about Jason Mraz
14:00 Annie interviews Jason Mraz
15:40 Thanks everyone! Leave us a comment or email!
16:40 Who wouldn’t want to be us?

For the handful of you that downloaded Episode 8 during the 15 minutes it was posted, you just got a collector’s item. Because, after further review, it was deemed “unfunny” and I yanked it off the site.

It was a solo show of me babbling for 10 minutes while Annie was at work and unaware that I was armed with a microphone and too much time on my hands…

I listened to it again, and yep. It sucked.

But fret not, listeners…we’ll have a new show up for you late tonight/early tomorrow. Pinky promise.

Back to the job boards…Anyone in the market for a PR/Marketing guru? I ain’t cheap, but I knows what I’s doing…

All the folks at the Charleston Comedy Festival do. Even those lowly charleston improv newbies working the festival…ahem….

Unless you live in Chicago or New York (or maybe even Minneapolis) - - - damn, I think that’s where like 82% of y’all are from - - - you don’t get this much funny packed into such a small time frame. So, if you’re within a couple hours of our fair city, consider stopping in for a show or six.

Here’s the link for more info. Charleston Comedy Festival

Hope those of you ’round here can make a few shows…those that can’t - well, you can just send this page to five friends and Bill Gates will pay each of you $10,000, the Nigerian embassy will deposit $25,000,000 U.S. dollars into your checking account, and if you make a wish, it will come true in 30 days.

I’m in my second week of looking for work, and I’m learning some things about my world and myself during this time.

1) Most attorneys’ clients, and most bookkeepers/beekeepers/paralegals/private investigators HAD to have been homebodies from the hours of 11:00AM - 3:00PM. There is NOTHING on at that time.

2) I can only wear one’s pajamas until noon. Then I feel like I should consider enrolling in bookkeeping/librarian/paralegal/private investigation school.

3) The Internet is huge.

4) Anything can become an addiction. Searching for cool jobs is mine currently. I spent 6.5 hours online Tuesday doing nothing but scouring Monster, HotJobs, and classifieds from major dailies across the country. Have one you think we’ll like (Annie and I are both looking for work)? Email it to us. Us, as in Jay and Annie. I haven’t been in a shut in that long. yet.

5) Even though I get bored, and sad, and worried, and scared sometimes…it still beats the alternative.

6) People are generally good. They just forget sometimes.

7) I have lots of spare time on my hands now. Yet I still can’t find the time to clean my car…

8) Quitting smoking is hard. But it gets a little easier each day.

9) Our next podcast (out very very soon) is gonna be great, y’all. In the past week:
a) I’ve performed in front of an audience of 10 (there were 11 of us onstage)
b) I took roommate Matt to the emergency room cuz of some nasty oysters. Or tuna. We’re not sure which.
c) American Idol is back on. That’s right. I love that show.
d) I spoke with MLK who told me to declare Charleston, the new “Chocolate City, USA.”

10) I appreciate y’all comments and emails. They sho do help pass the time and make a poor, unemployed man feel loved.

See y’all soon!
-Jay

Happy Friday the 13th! To ward off the bad juju, we put together Episode Lucky Number 7 for you to rock out to while at work/home/exercising/base jumping…

Feel free to leave us a comment here, or at jayandannie@gmail.com, and let us know what you think!

Also, check out the map, and put yourself on it. it don’t cost nuthin’…

And, if you’re feeling really generous, you can help out to unemployed people that think you’re very smart and attractive by clicking on the “Annie and Jay’s Unemployment Fund” button on the right of the page. If not, we’ll still think you’re smart and attractive - after all, you come here, right?

Have a great weekend!

Show notes for y’all!

:00 Intro
:07 Dolly knows what’s up
1:03 Bomb 1 – Lenny and Steve join the family
1:23 The cat talk begins
2:33 Why Annie’s Annie
3:26 Bomb 2 – Jay’s jobless
5:04 Annie’s philosophy on job searching
6:35 Someone should invent a breakfast burrito machine
8:51 Annie wants to be a checkout girl
9:07 Roommate Matt’s marimba playing provides background music pleasure
10:13 What Jay wanted to be when he grew up
10:28 Annie’s 2 year old boyfriend
10:55 9 Days smoke-free
11:10 Annie’s aside to the audience
12:20 Annie’s revelation
13:41 Smoking and puking
14:00 Wanna hear another disgusting story?
15:29 The looks of horror in the hall
17:32 Bigger picture
18:00 Filthy rich vs. just filthy
18:40 Will wager for food
19:22 Adopt-a-podcaster
21:30 Knit it on a pillow
22:18 The latest on Annie’s E-bay/Paypal saga
22:47 Lenny makes an appearance on the show
23:23 We try to go weekly
24:19 Email us!
24:29 Annie makes a really good point. Dammit.
26:23 We avoid becoming weird cat podcast show
26:43 Goodnight everybody
27:03 Jet takes us out

Man! Can someone call Old Man Winter and tell him that he forgot to swing by South Carolina? It’s like 70 degrees here!

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not complaining about unseasonably warm weather. I’m just saying that there’s something nice about that little bite in the air when it’s cold out. Carolina cold, not Minnesota cold. Like 45-50 degrees cold.

Had an interview with a company today, and wore a sweater because it’s January. But it’s like January in Syndey here! I shoulda showed up in a t-shirt and cutoffs…

Speaking of interviews, the job hunt’s going pretty well. So far, Austin, Seattle, San Diego, and Denver are kicking Chucktown’s butt. Already got a couple encouraging responses from some interesting places. We’ll just see if “My Carolina Period” is coming to an end, or will she come strong with some great opportunity?

As you can see, I’m taking a global view of this search and looking for jobs that I think would be fun to have.

Even in Minnesota.

-KS

…and by we, I mean me and where I used to work.

That’s right - used to.

Friday was my last day on the job. And I know that there is a good number of folks that work there that read my site, so…hi. I know you’re there. Now get back to work.

Anyone up for eggs and Sally Jessie Raphael?

-KS

PS - much more info to come in “Episode 7: Career-ended” (just a working title, but it has a nice ring to it, no?).