The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

Sorry for the lack of posts here, y’all. I realized this weekend that this is actually a great time for me to start writing more here (and other places…ooh…a mysterious hint of things to come…), so that’s what I’m a-gonna do.

Starting…..now.

The job hunt’s going pretty well. I’ve got a “phoner” (nod to Annie) with a company in Austin in about 90 minutes. Other than that, though, it’s been pretty quiet. I’ve applied for a little over 40 jobs in a little under 25 cities in exactly 16 States and one District.

It’s only been three weeks, but you can’t help but feel a little helpless and at the mercy of the “Thank you for your interest in exploring employment opportunities with INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE. Your skills and qualifications will be reviewed and if they match our position requirements, you will be contacted directly. Once again, we appreciate your interest in INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE and wish you every success in your career” emails and letters.

The best one of these emails that I’ve recieved so far was from Medtronic in Minneapolis (something keeps attracting me to that city…maybe MooCow and I are supposed to roam the city and go on adventures - fighting jaywalkers and loiterers throughout the mean streets of the city).

Side note: If anyone knows anyone at Medtronic - I’d be much obliged if you passed along a kind word about me. After all, I’m complementing their form letter here…

Here’s what they wrote me:

A Medtronic representative will contact you if we determine your unique qualifications, skills, and experience are a match for our job needs. If you have not heard from us in 30 days, you can assume we are proceeding with candidates whose skills and experience more closely match our requirements.

Isn’t that nice? At least you know that if you haven’t heard from them in a month, that you’re not going to hear from them. Puts a bit of closure on that search, right?

Now, here’s one that I got from the Seattle Symphony (I applied to be their PR Director. So if anyone knows anyone, you’d be aces in my book if you talked me up a bit. I’m just sayin’…). I’m not a big fan of this one. And I know that some folks’ll be like, “Um, dude? You’re trying to get a job with this place and your remarking about their form letters…see a problem here?”

Well, yeah, I do. I’m not COMPLETELY idiotic. But, I also know that part of my job will be to improve communications there, so here’s my first critique. And it’s a freebie. The solution will cost ‘em…

Here’s their letter:

Dear Candidate:

We have received your resume and thank you for your interest. Your resume has been forwarded to the hiring team for review. We will be contacting qualified candidates shortly. If you do not hear from us you can assume that we are pursuing other candidates. Again, thank you for your interest.

Sincerely,

Director of Human Resources

I can assume that you’re pursuing other candidates if I don’t hear from you. Wow. Thanks.

Hey - singles out there? Try that one on someone when you’re out one night.

“Oh. You want to give me your number? Ok. But if you don’t hear from me, you can assume that I’m pursuing other candidates. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, me.”

But all of this still beats what I was doing three weeks ago, y’all. That’s fo sho. And while the glut of spare time, and lack of funds can be discouraging at times, I’m 100% sure that I’m going to get one of those jobs that people are like, “Cool! I didn’t know they paid people to do that!”

Ok - gotta go play with the cats, watch some tv, and get ready for my phoner…

Rockin’ the suburbs,
-Jay