The Slip and Slide of Moral Decay

First of all, if you still come here to check in on me, thanks. And, I’m sorry for not posting much of anything anymore…but that leads me to my point…

I’m packing up my rucksack and heading out to whoknowswhereville.

It’s not that I have writer’s block. Or that I don’t want to write anymore. I do. I just don’t think it’s here that I want to do it. For example, I’m still writing for the City Paper, and I’m having fun. But that’s not the kind of writing that I’m talking about either. I mean, it’s not easy expressing yourself in 500 words that have to be about local blogs and podcasts…

We all have amazing stories. We walk down the streets, some with heads up, others with heads down, and we don’t know the people that we’re avoiding, opening doors for, asking the time from, or giving the finger to. They’re as chock-full of funny, bizarre, sad, and so-real-they’re-absolutely terrifying stories as we are. And I’m one of the we, right? I’ve got some ideas milling about in my head that merit a closer look, and that’s exactly what I’m-a gonna do.

I’m still going to share my stories with y’all via the podcast that Annie and I do. For those of you who listen, we both thank you very much! For those of you that haven’t, may thousands of tiny robots that shoot spiders out of their eyes climb into your bed while you sleep…waitaminute. That’s no way to market a show…see what 4 months out of work can do to a man? How ’bout this - if you haven’t listened yet, please consider listening to an episode on the way to work one morning. If you like it, let us know. If you don’t…well…tiny robots…

As far as writing goes, I think my writing’s going to stay on a hard drive until it’s all clean and shiny, and ready for you to read. Well, not entirely clean and shiny. That’s not my style. I mean, have you ever seen so many “y’all’s” and “…’s” and words like “informations” in your life before? I still love that word, informations. Go ‘head. Say it. You can’t say it without grinning just a little. “oh. sure. I have all the informations right here.”

Who knows? Maybe I’ll start another blog a la MooCow (hasta la vista and bon voyage by the way, buddy. And right when I may be moving your way, too…but that’s another story), but I highly doubt it. My gut’s telling me to write in more of an old-school fashion, with editing, structure, and a point and stuff, no?

But fret not, my babies. You can still find me very easiy on the interwebs (another favorite word of mine). My column shows up each Wednesday in the City Paper, I will probably be adding a blog component to that shortly, and you can always find Annie and I at www.jayandannie.com and listen to our show…

Thanks again for spending the past couple of years online with me. I’m still reading a lot of your sites, too, so just because I’m not commenting doesn’t mean that I’m not reading.

Look - let’s not a make a big deal about this, ok? Just know that everytime you see an icy cold beer in a frosty mug, a guitar resting up against a beat up old amplifier, kids playing kickball, karaoke in cheesy bars, or some little rugrat wrist-deep in his nose and grinning like a champ, I’m there.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a TON of tiny robots to build.

Oh, and some writing to do, too.

Puppies and kittens,
-Jay AKA the Kickball Superstar

Hi.

I’m 32.

And I’m a Bohemian.

Not quite sure how it happened. One day I’m a guy with years of marketing and pr experience under my belt, managing NASCAR sponsorships, securing articles in the AJC (That’s the Atlanta Journal Constitution, y’all), and getting clients booked on the History Channel, and wearing a tie (when I had to). Now I write a weekly column for the local alternative newspaper, play in battle of the band contests, perform in three improv comedy groups (by the way, check out The Sofa Kings site - we debut next Wednesday!), and host a trivia game at a local bar each week.

It’s a pretty great lifestyle, but now I know why Sienna Miller and all the other Bohos are so skinny. Well, Sienna’s skinny cuz she’s a celeb, and you’ve got to be able to stab someone with your collarbones before you can be somebody. But the real bohos and hippies are skinny cuz they po people, people. The natural life is a life of leisure and fun and wondering if the lights are gonna stay on this month.

Some of these gigs pay money. Others don’t. Yet.

But I’m putting my tie back on (figuratively speaking, that is), and using my marketing prowess to make this life pay for itself.

Would life be so bad if it consisted of hosting a few trivia nights, doing a little writing about whatever I felt like, and rocking the occasional stage?

I’m still not sure, but I think it could be pretty cool.

I’m still trying like the dickens to get a “real” job, but it’s slow goings. So, in the meantime, I’ll play at being artsy fartsy with an edge. A poser bohemian. A capitalist Hippie.

Anyone have a birthday party that needs a magician? I’ll start brushing up on my card tricks now.

Peace.

-Jay

Sorry for the lack of posts here, y’all. I realized this weekend that this is actually a great time for me to start writing more here (and other places…ooh…a mysterious hint of things to come…), so that’s what I’m a-gonna do.

Starting…..now.

The job hunt’s going pretty well. I’ve got a “phoner” (nod to Annie) with a company in Austin in about 90 minutes. Other than that, though, it’s been pretty quiet. I’ve applied for a little over 40 jobs in a little under 25 cities in exactly 16 States and one District.

It’s only been three weeks, but you can’t help but feel a little helpless and at the mercy of the “Thank you for your interest in exploring employment opportunities with INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE. Your skills and qualifications will be reviewed and if they match our position requirements, you will be contacted directly. Once again, we appreciate your interest in INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE and wish you every success in your career” emails and letters.

The best one of these emails that I’ve recieved so far was from Medtronic in Minneapolis (something keeps attracting me to that city…maybe MooCow and I are supposed to roam the city and go on adventures - fighting jaywalkers and loiterers throughout the mean streets of the city).

Side note: If anyone knows anyone at Medtronic - I’d be much obliged if you passed along a kind word about me. After all, I’m complementing their form letter here…

Here’s what they wrote me:

A Medtronic representative will contact you if we determine your unique qualifications, skills, and experience are a match for our job needs. If you have not heard from us in 30 days, you can assume we are proceeding with candidates whose skills and experience more closely match our requirements.

Isn’t that nice? At least you know that if you haven’t heard from them in a month, that you’re not going to hear from them. Puts a bit of closure on that search, right?

Now, here’s one that I got from the Seattle Symphony (I applied to be their PR Director. So if anyone knows anyone, you’d be aces in my book if you talked me up a bit. I’m just sayin’…). I’m not a big fan of this one. And I know that some folks’ll be like, “Um, dude? You’re trying to get a job with this place and your remarking about their form letters…see a problem here?”

Well, yeah, I do. I’m not COMPLETELY idiotic. But, I also know that part of my job will be to improve communications there, so here’s my first critique. And it’s a freebie. The solution will cost ‘em…

Here’s their letter:

Dear Candidate:

We have received your resume and thank you for your interest. Your resume has been forwarded to the hiring team for review. We will be contacting qualified candidates shortly. If you do not hear from us you can assume that we are pursuing other candidates. Again, thank you for your interest.

Sincerely,

Director of Human Resources

I can assume that you’re pursuing other candidates if I don’t hear from you. Wow. Thanks.

Hey - singles out there? Try that one on someone when you’re out one night.

“Oh. You want to give me your number? Ok. But if you don’t hear from me, you can assume that I’m pursuing other candidates. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, me.”

But all of this still beats what I was doing three weeks ago, y’all. That’s fo sho. And while the glut of spare time, and lack of funds can be discouraging at times, I’m 100% sure that I’m going to get one of those jobs that people are like, “Cool! I didn’t know they paid people to do that!”

Ok - gotta go play with the cats, watch some tv, and get ready for my phoner…

Rockin’ the suburbs,
-Jay

While I can be pretty smart at times (just ask my roommate Matt that I never talk about who cries and whines that I don’t mention him but here you go you big crybaby how’s this are you happy now beware of what you ask for you just may get it - more on that later), sometimes I miss some details…

Like today, for example. I just found out at 1:30 today, that we aren’t open on Friday! Jackpot!

Luckily, I’m not the only one that was oblivious - my boss didn’t know either…

And it’s not like it should’ve been a big surprise or anything. It’s been clearly listed on our “Recognized Holidays” sheet on the bulletin board in the kitchen. All. Year. Long.

Damn.

So - short week for me! WooHoo! This is like when you wake up at like 4:30 in the morning, look over at the clock, and see that you still have a couple hours more to sleep - but waaaaaaaaay better!

I’m off all of the week of the 26th, so my vacation just got a day longer!

PS - a coworker just walked by doling out rumballs that would bring the kids from the Real World: Austin to their knees… double jackpot!

happily typing away with a rumball buzz in my head, and short week syndrome in my heart,
-KS

Tonight - the informal tree-trimming party at the office. Smiles, everyone, smiles.

Tomorrow - ah, an improv performance. and I think folks from work will be there. Note to self: Refrain from using co-workers names in scenes. Scratch that. Use co-workers names in every scene. Positive note: Nate and Di are coming to the show, and we’s going to catch up about some podcasting ideas, and try to come up with ways to quit our day jobs.

Thursday - I think I’m in the clear here.

Friday - another improv performance. 90 minutes of mental therapy.

Saturday - the formal office holiday party (see here for more information - check around the 15:00 mark).

Luckily, KSG- ah the hell with it, Annie’s holiday party’s coming up, and I always have fun with the folks she works with.

Methinks the next edisode of Scenes From the Next Whatever is going to be chock-full of heady goodness (that one’s for you, ACW).

Stay tuned…

“Al Jessup of Beckley adjusts one of his 12 satellite dishes Saturday at his home on James Street. All 12 dishes are in working order receiving 5,000-plus radio and television stations and Jessup plans to buy his 13th soon.”
Lew Whitener/The Register-Herald

Sometimes, I’m afraid that this might be me someday…

I also think that this pic is great for another photo caption contest…or at least the picture on the podcasts…

I like to think that I’m still fairly young, but I catch myself doing things on an almost daily basis that reinforce that I’m turning into an old man.

Drinking - I rarely do it. When I do, it’s usually just a couple, and I’m usually home before midnight.

Weekends - Saturdays trimming hedges, knocking down spider webs, watching football and doing laundry is relaxing.

Living La Vida Loca - I’m in bed before 11 each night. I used to GO OUT at 11.

But today caps it all off.

I wrote a Letter to the Editor of our local paper this morning.

I heard that there were some people complaining about a local symphony performance that was held on Saturday night. The symphony played with a local favorite band - Jump (formerly: Jump Little Children). They sold out a 2,300 seat venue and rocked (as hard as a symphony can rock, I suppose). People that normally would’ve never seen the symphony play got exposed to them, and some blue-blood jackasses that are symphony donors called to complain that it was too loud, that people were too rowdy, and that they couldn’t believe they were playing rock & roll.

My best friend works for the symphony, and I won’t stand for someone peeing in his cornflakes. This performance was his idea, and it sold out. A. Symphony. Performance. Sold. Out. In your face, jerky old people that probably still think that listening to Elvis will give you syphillis.

So, my letter’s below. I’ll let y’all know if it runs in the paper. I wanted to post it up here so at least you can read it. And so that anytime someone googles the symphony, this post will hopefully show up.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my epsom salt bath is ready.
-KS

I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly congratulate David Stahl, Sandy Ferencz and the Charleston Symphony Orchestra Board, Staff, and musicians for Saturday’s outstanding performance with Jump. I have attended many of the CSO’s performances over the past several seasons, and this was the most energetic, exciting, and entertaining performance to date.

The CSO board, staff, and musicians should be applauded for their courage and savvy.

So, it’s Saturday morning at 8:50AM, and I’m posting while listening to the Nate and Di Show, the Dawn and Drew Show and the Daily Source Code (if you’re not listening to their shows already, you should check ‘em out - I am becoming a podcast geek to the Nth degree).

I was out sick Wednesday and Thursday this week, and spent all of Friday trying to play catch up. I’d tell you about some of the stuff that happened at work today, but I really don’t wanna get canned just yet. Although, a fellow coworker and I are tossing the idea around of an anonymous blog so we can serve up some good ol’ dish.

I didn’t have my laptop with me, so I haven’t been able to check on all y’all’s sites, emails, and death threats for a few days. So, I’m gonna listen to some podcasts and catch up on my necessary reading.

few thoughts before I go:
1) KSG and I were in our first improv performance together last night, and it went great! I had to do a freakin’ solo scene again!

2) Dearest PHV: Your captions cracked me up, and I hope to see y’all soon. I’m going to try and send a special prize to y’all since a little birdy told me that you went as far as to get a proxy lined up to submit captions in case you lost power while YOU WERE RIDING OUT HURRICANE RITA. Jackie’s new best friend began his journey to the windy city yesterday. I hope to hear from him soon…

3) Mrs. Ramadatsa and Sarafina Piponosa say hello.

See you later, folks.
-KS

Sometimes knowing that KSG’s parents and my mom read this make me hesitant to post certain things.

This is one of them.

I was rushing to get out of the house and down to my improv comedy class last night (my recital’s tomorrow night, y’all…), but had to brush my teeth and use the facilities beforehand.

So, I brushed my teeth, and then took a big ol’ swig of Listerine. I figured I’d gargle while I…well, you know… (and not #2, jerks)

I couldn’t do it. For whatever reason, certain nuerons wouldn’t fire, muscles react, and/or systems perform their desired functions simultaneously. I had to do one or the other. I was totally unable to do both things at the same time. It kinda weirded me out a bit…

So, I stood there with a mouthful of Listerine, did my business, then gargled and was on my way.

You try it, and let me know if you can pull it off. Please.

Patting my head while rubbing my stomach,
-KS

PS - I was mentioned on the Nate and Di Show last night!!!! Sweet! They’re a couple of podcasters from the Lowcountry, and I’m an avid listener of their show. Check it out if you get a chance.

And speaking of podcasts, I’ve also been listening to the Dawn and Drew Show for the past couple of weeks, too. That’s some funny stuff, y’all.

So, Nate/Di - Dawn/Drew…if y’all are googling yourselves and come across my site, feel free to drop me a line or say hi on your next cast. I’d be much obliged…

Today is a bad day.

I hope to have a good day soon.

good day, y’all.
-KS